It only takes two heat attacks 
To finally make you see 
One of them won't do it 
but the second will set you free 
Tell all your hate and anger 
it's time to say good bye 
and that is just what I will do 
when those bastards I work for die ! 
lalalalalalalala !

I found you in my bed, 
How's you wind up there ? 
It's still a mystery, 
Little black curly hair. 
Little black, little black, little black, little black... little black curly hair. 
  
  
 
 

Smelly cat, smelly cat, what are they feeding you? 
Smelly cat, smelly cat, it's not your fault. 
They won't take you to the vet. 
You're obviously not their favourite pet. 
You may not be a bed of roses, 
And you're no friend to those with noses. 
Smelly cat, smelly cat, what are they feeding you? 
Smelly cat, smelly cat, it's not your fault. 
  
To Hear The Song 
 

There was a girl, we'll call her Betty, 
And a guy, let's call him Neil. 
Now I can't stress this point too strongly, this story isn't real. 

(middle part missed out by show) 

Now our Neil must decide, who will be the girl that he casts aside? 

Went to the store, sat on Santa's lap 
Asked him to bring my friends all kinds of crap 
Said all you need is to write them a song 
Now you haven't heard it yet so don't try to sing along 
No don't sing along 
 Monica, Monica, have a happy Hanukkah 
Saw Santa Claus, he said hello to Ross 
And please tell Joey, Christmas will be snowwwwwy 
And Rachel and Chandler, (mumbles something) handler! 
                     
 
 

There'll be times when you get older, 
And you'll want to sleep with people, 
 Just to make them like you 

 BUT DON'T 

 Because that's another thing that you don't wanna do..... 

Oh the cow in the meadow goes moo. 
Oh the cow in the meadow goes moo. 
Then the farmer hits him on the head and grinds him up,  

Sometimes men love women. 
And sometimes men love men. 
Then there are bisexuals, though some just say they're kidding themselves 

Now grandma's a person who everyone likes, 
She bought you a train and a bright shiny bike. 
But lately she hasn't been coming to dinner and last time you saw her she 
 looked so much thinner. 
Now your mom and your dad said she moved to Peru, but the truth is she 
died and someday you will too 

To Hear The Song 
 
 

New York City has no power, 
And the milk is getting sour. 
But to me this is not scary, 
Cause I stay away from dairy  
 

I'm in the shower and I'm writing a song 
Stop me if you've heard it. 
My skin is soapy and my hair is wet 
And Tegrin spelled backward is Nirget. 
(pause, while Phoebe plays guitar) 
Lather, rinse, repeat. Lather, rinse, repeat. Lather, rinse, repeat, 
As needed!!!  
  
To Hear The Song 
 

I made a man with eyes of coal and a smile so bewitchin'. 
How was I supposed to know that my mom was dead in the kitchen?