phoebe

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Phoebe: "You know, the soda company gave me $7000 for the thumb and on the way home I stepped in gum. What is with this universe?"

Rachel: "My God! These are incredible! How come I've never had these before?"
Phoebe: "Oh I don't make them very often. It isn't fair to the other cookies."

Phoebe: "I've got all new material guys. I've got 12 new songs about my mother's suicide and one about a snowman."
Chandler: "You might want to open with the snowman."

Rachel: "I got an interview!"
Monica: "Who's it with?"
Rachel: "Saks Fifth Avenue..."
Phoebe: "Oh, Rachel, it's like the mother ship is calling you home!"

Phoebe: "I see, so then you were lying?"
Joey: "About what?"
Phoebe: "About how good your cards were."
Joey: "I was bluffing."
Phoebe: "Uh huh. And what is 'bluffing?' Is it not another word for lying?"

Monica: "So, anyway, I'm cooking dinner for him Monday night. You know, kind of like an audition. And, Phoebe, he really wants you to be here, which'll be great for me 'cause you can "ooh" and "ahh" and make yummy noises."
Rachel: "What're you going to make?"
Phoebe: "Yummy noises."

Phoebe: "You know my friend Abby who shaves her head, well she says that we can do a kind of cleansing ritual."
Rachel: "Phoebe, this woman is voluntarily bald."
Monica: "Well, what kind of ritual?"
Phoebe: "Well, we can burn the stuff they (ex-boyfriends) gave us."
Monica: "Or..."
Phoebe: "Or... we could chant and dance around naked, you know, with sticks."

Ross: "You don't believe in evolution?"
Phoebe: "I don't know, it's just, you know -- monkeys, Darwin, it's a nice story, but I think it's just a little too easy."

Phoebe: "Okay, don't get me started on gravity."
Ross: "You uh, you don't believe in gravity?"
Phoebe: "Well, it's not that I don't believe in it, it's just, like, you know, lately I get the feeling that I'm not being pulled down so much as I'm being pushed."

Phoebe: "Okay, look -- before you even start, I'm not denying evolution, okay, I'm just saying that it's one of the possibilities."
Ross: "It's the only possibility, Phoebe."
Phoebe: "Okay, Ross, could you just open your mind like this much? Now, wasn't there a time when the brightest minds of the world believed that the earth was flat? And up until, like, what, fifty years ago, you all thought that the atom was the smallest thing, until you split it open and this whole mess of crap came out. Now, are you telling me that you are so unbelievably arrogant that you can't admit there's a teeny, tiny possibility that you could be wrong about this?"
Ross: "There might be... a teeny... tiny... possibility."
Phoebe: "I can't believe you caved! "
Ross: "What?"
Phoebe: "You just abandoned your whole belief system. I mean, before, I didn't agree with you, but at least I respected you. How, how, how are you going to go into work tomorrow? How, how are you going to face the other science guys? How, how are you going to face yourself? Oh! That was fun. So who's hungry?"

Chandler: "Who doesn't like me?"
Phoebe: "Everyone. Well, except for...no...everyone."

Phoebe: "Oooh...headrush. sits back down OK, one more and then I've got to go..." [stands again] "Cool!"

Chandler: "Birthday party? No one invited me."
Phoebe: "That's part of the whole not liking you extravaganza."

Joey: "Phoebe, what do you think a good stage name for me would be?"
Phoebe: "FLAME BOY!"

Joey: "I'm getting paid $500 per donation."
Phoebe: "Wow! You're making money hand over fist!"

Phoebe: "How long did you think this cookout was gonna last?"
Ross: "I'm going to China."
Phoebe: "Wow, say one little thing..."

Ross: "I'm gonna go outside and say 'bye' to the guys."
Phoebe: "Yeah, tell them that bone story!"

Monica to Rachel: "It'll be so easy. It's like starting on the fifteenth date."
Phoebe: "Yeah, but it'll be like starting on the fifteenth date."
Monica: "Another good point!"

Monica: "Phoebes, you know what I'm thinking?"
Phoebe: "Oh, ok. How, it's been so long since you've had sex, you're wondering if they've changed it?"

Ross: "How's the hair?"
Phoebe: "I'm not going to lie to you, Ross. It doesn't look good."

Phoebe: "I put a clip on one side, which seems to have stopped the curling."
Joey: "Well can we see her?"
Phoebe: "Your hair looks too good. I think it would just upset her. Ross, why don't you come on in?"

Phoebe: "Monica, she will kill you. She will kill you like a dog in the street."
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Chandler [to Monica]: "All right, okay, all right. But if we put on spandex and my boobs are bigger than yours, I'm going home."
Phoebe: "Your boobs are fine! I never should have said anything. Come here." [tries to hug him] "Oooh... can't... make... hands... meet..."

Phoebe: "I don't know, I mean, he just won't, you know, touch me."
Joey: "He won't even have sex?"
Phoebe: "No, not even that!"
Joey: Wow... did you ever think maybe, you know, he 'drives his car on the wrong side of the road'?"
Phoebe: "What do you mean, he's not like British or anything."

Phoebe: "But this is my gig! This is where I play! My name is written out there in chalk. You know, you can't just erase... chalk."

Phoebe: "So, how many chords do you know?"
Chrissie Hynde: "All of them."
Phoebe: "Do you know, like, D?"
Chrissie: "Yeah."
Phoebe: "Okay, do you know, like, A minor?"
Chrissie: "Uh...yeah."
Phoebe: "Do you know how to go from, D to A minor?"
Chrissie: "Yeah?"
Phoebe: "Oh. Does your guitar have a strap?"
Chrissie: "No."
Phoebe: "Well, mine does!"

Phoebe to Monica and Rachel: "You know, if we were in prison, you guys would be like, my bitches."

Phoebe: "OK. This is a typical lightning-bearer thing. Right there. It's like, ummm, 'Hello, who wants one of my phallic-shaped man cakes?'"

Phoebe: "Yeah. OK. Well, at least I didn't let some guy into the forest of my righteous truth on the first date."

Rachel: "Uhhh...I mean, this is like reading about my own life. I mean, this book could have been called Be Your Own Windkeeper Rachel".
Phoebe: "I don't think it would have sold a million copies but it would have made a nice gift for you."

Phoebe: "What, what's about to happen? starts watching I've never seen this part before. Hey, Travis, whatcha doin' with that gun? Oh no, no no, Travis, put down the gun. No, no, no, no, he's he's your buddy. He's your Yeller. No, no, no, the end, THE END! hear gunshot coming from the TV OK, what kind of a sick doggie snuff film is this?"

Phoebe referring to It's A Wonderful Life: "I didn't watch the ending. I was too depressed. It just kept getting worse and worse. It should have been called, "It's a sucky life and just when you think it can't suck any more it does."

The One With Barry And Mindy's Wedding

Phoebe referring to Monica: "Isn't my boyfriend oh, so dreamy? Wonder what our wedding's gonna be like..."

Rachel in response to Chandler saying that he wasn't making jokes on the internet with his mystery girl: "Whoa...what's that like?
Chandler: "It's like this, just me, no jokes."
Phoebe: "Okay stop it. You're freaking me out!"